When you drink a glass of syrup with dinner, you might be a redneck. Alternatively, when you look outside your window and the foliage looks like it has been set ablaze, you know Autumn has finally hit its stride. Fall is one our favorite seasons so we decided to take this weekend off from sleeping until noon and decided to embark on an early morning adventure to the Soergel’s Empire.
We had a few goals in mind. Let me list them in no particular order for you.
1. Find the biggest pumpkin while avoiding the Pumpkin Snakes/Spiders
2. Navigate our way through a corn maze without having to take the Donner Party route.
3. Feed animals.
4. Quench lust for cider.
We knew it would be a packed house as it was the annual Fall Festival, but strike while the iron is hot. Am I right or am I right?
There are supposed to be toys in here
First thing we saw was a small hub area that had a variety of attractions. There was a fudge booth, funnel cake booth, “The Hay Tunnel,” pumpkin painting, mini-golf variant involving a pumpkin OR apple, and the corn stalk maze. Except for “The Hay Tunnel” it’s the typical fanfare you would expect from a farm. Let’s just talk about this tunnel of hay for a moment. It’s a small barn, or shed, that is over flowing with hay. There could be a thousand needles in there and you’d be none the wiser. What the geniuses at Soergel’s did was drill a small tunnel through the hay and then charged kids a dollar to walk a tiny hay-cave loop. I’m not sure why anyone would do that when, not even 50ft away, is a corn maze to explore.
Christa and I opted to not waste our money and spend our hard earned dollar on a promising corn stalk maze. The maze wasn’t as Shining-esque as we had hoped and was less of a maze as it was a linear winding path with corn stalks sticking out of the walls waiting to poke your eyeballs out. We did have a chipmunk guide and Christa was kind of scared. Despite our best efforts, we still wasted our money.
Next, we hunted down a pumpkin to gut and carve to celebrate the dominance of mankind over agriculture. Pumpkin is an incredible beast to hunt and I would suggest it if you’re an adrenaline junky or preparing to hunt man. We were eventually successful, but at what cost…
A successful hunt!
Getting cider wasn’t exciting so forgive me for not describing it in excruciating detail.
The final task we had to complete was to feed some animals. To do this we had to walk through the main festival hub where a bunch of people were scarfing down hot dogs and Christa was getting kind of grossed out, which meant we didn’t have much time left.
We arrived at the petting zoo,I dropped my quarter into the machine and then went to town. I have to wonder if these animals are fed apart from when people like me come to feed them pellets because these beasts were eager and willing to do anything for some pellets. Almost anything, anyways. Here is my montage for you!
Yea. My whole arm taste like that, don't worry.
I'd wear that
Kids, NOOOOO!
"Get your goats in a row"
Then we left. I’m still reeling from getting my hand covered in animal saliva. I mean, my fist was straight up in a cow’s mouth at one point. All in all, Soergel’s is a semi-gross place that deserves to be visited once a year for an hour or two max. Thanks for being a pal, Fall.
